Wow. Has it been four days since I updated this thing? Sorry about that.
Not a lot has been happening really. I haven't actually left my bed except for a small trip to the hospital this morning to get weekly maintenance on my Hickman.
I am absolutely shattered and just want to sleep. It is completely the opposite to the ABVD where I wouldn't sleep for days at a time. Just now I sleep all night and part of the day. I'm worse than Rebecca and that child loves her sleep.
Physically, I feel fine. No aches and pains and no sickness and nausea. The high dose of steroids frazzled my brain on Tuesday and Wednesday and my normally placid demeanour was replaced with a raging anger that would blow at the slightest thing... just as well Celtic weren't playing this week. I don't know how my dogs are still alive as the slightest "woof" would see me tearing down the stairs with a rolled up paper.
Now the steroids have worn off I feel a little guilty and ashamed... poor puppies.

The problem with sticking in bed all day is that you think to much... and I can't stop thinking about radiotherapy and "what if". I know it is not healthy and that I won't be doing it when I'm up and about as normal next week but I can't help it. I stll cannot believe that someone thought that I shouldn't get radiotherapy because of the risk of some lung tox and a theoretical statistcally increased chance of secondary cancer in later life. All I'm after right now is the "later life" part. Also, I think with the high doses of chemo I am going to get in the near future I won't be able to get it again so I'm thinking I'm really hosed if I do get cancer later on anyway.
As a result of my now deep mistrust of Glasgow I have decided to ask my Oncologist if there is any other location in Scotland that can carry out the SCT. I'm hoping Dundee might be able to do it as they have a superb MacMillan Cancer Centre up there but, because of the way that things work in this damn country, I suspect this sort of treatment is available in Glasgow only.

The girls are doing great. We don't quite know what we are going to do with Erin over the next fortnight. Nursery has broken up for the Easter Holidays and she is going to miss it like crazy. She's taken to it like a duck to water and loves every second of it. Hopefully this will stick with her throughout her school life but I look forwarding to seeing what happens when she turns teenager.
Becca is still not really talking yet. She babbles away to herself and, although she seems to know what she is saying, it doesn't make a jot of sence to me. I think I can hear "Daddy" and "Kelly" (the dog) but I'm not convinced. The child is, however, going to be trouble. She has that glint in her eye and already knows what buttons to press if she requires a reaction. She is learning to quickly from Erin.
Veronica, as ever, is being a saint. I don't know how carers do it. They have to get on with their lives, work, look after the children and yet they still manage to look after a 32year old lump of a man who is slumped in bed feeling sorry for himself. I wouldn't be able to get through this without her and words can't express the gratitude and love I feel. I'd better not say too much though or I'll be paying her back in kind for the rest of our long lives!!

Slán go fóill mo chara.