Scanxiety:-
1) Concern or solicitude during the time period between receiving a scan and waiting for the results which disturbs the mind and keeps it in a state of painful uneasiness.
2) A general feeling of shit-ness

This is where I'm at just now. In a state of "scanxiety"... a word that needs to be added to the Oxford English Dictionary. It is truly a shit state of mind to be in and, no matter what you do, you can't help but think the worst. Thursday can not come quick enough.

Also, whilst I'm on a bit of rant can I say that just because I'm no longer getting any chemo and haven't started radiotherapy yet does not mean I am back to "normal". Yes, I do look "healthy" but I am still battling serious fatigue and the side effects of the SCT... one of the hardest procedures a cancer patient can go through. Why do people expect me to be instantly better and able to run a marathon. Give me a fecking break here... it's only 56 days since the transplant and I don't get classed as surviving it until day + 100!!
Let's have a quick run down of the drugs that I have taken during 16 months of CONSTANT treatment.

ABVD
ABVD is named after the initials of the chemotherapy drugs used, which are
doxorubicin (pronounced docks-o-rou-bi-sin), which was originally called Adriamycin®),
bleomycin (blee-o-my-sin),
vinblastine (vin-blas-teen) and
dacarbazine (de-car-ba-zeen).

DHAP
DHAP is named after the drugs that are used in the treatment. This includes
High Dose Dexamethasone (pronounced decks-a-meth-a-sone), which is a steroid, and the chemotherapy drugs
cytarabine (sigh-tare-a-been), which is sometimes called Ara C, and
cisplatin (sis-pla-tin), which contains platinum.

BEAM
BEAM is the nuclear weapon of Hodgkins treatment. the drugs involved are
BCNU which is also called carmustine and mainly used to treat brain cancer. I have had my life dose of this drug in one go.
cytarabine (sigh-tare-a-been), which is sometimes called Ara C
VP-16 which is also called Etoposide (pronounced e-top-o-side)
Melphalan (pronounced mel-fa-lan)
(Bone marrow now dead so transplant to revive it)

This does not include the daily drugs I have to take in order to keep infection at bay and to prevent pneumonia and shingles.

I challenge anyone to take all those drugs in the same time period as me and feel "normal" as soon as you finish.
Go on. Let's see you do it.