tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-317429142024-03-13T05:32:05.123+00:00Bit of a bummer...My journey through the hell of Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
The next person to tell me that it "isn't a real cancer" will get a good kicking.Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.comBlogger119125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-88571758824078747422009-12-15T13:12:00.003+00:002009-12-15T13:17:45.143+00:00<span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >Fight2Win<br /></span><br />The Alese Coco Fight2Win Organization has released a PSA in order to help raise funding to find a cure. This is who I am running in aid of next year.<br /><br />You can view the commercial <a href="http://www.fight2win.org/video/">here.</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"Hodgkins Disease will kill 3 people today".</span><br /><br />I'll update my run progress and all that other good stuff shortly.Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-90308321301491843312009-11-02T20:20:00.002+00:002009-11-02T21:10:12.403+00:00<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Wullie vs The Edinburgh Marathon</span></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br />On the 23rd May 2010 this overweight, unfit, chemo riddled 35 year old is going to run (and I use that word lightly) the Edinburgh Marathon.<br />Now why would I do something as dumb as this? I haven't done any form of physical exercise for over 10 years... and it shows!<br /><br />Let me explain.<br />I have now witnessed one too many of my fellow Hodgkins Warriors pass away and I can't sit by. We need to raise money to fight this disease and we need to find a cure for EVERYONE.<br /><br />I am going to run this marathon and raise funds for the <a href="http://www.fight2win.org/">Alese Coco Fight2Win</a> Foundation.<br />Here is the email I dropped to Paul Coco, Alese's father, asking for permission to do so.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:Times;" new="" ><span style="font-size:12pt;">Hi there,<br />My name is Wullie Currie and, to cut along story short, you can see my Hodgkins journey at bitofabummer.blogspot.com.<br />On May 23rd 2010 I will be running the Edinburgh Marathon (Scotland) and was wondering if I could run it in aid of the Fight2Win foundation?<br /><br />Alese was the first person I became aware of, after my initial diagnosis of Hodgkins in June 2006, who had the same illness as me. She was also the first person I "knew" that passed away from this terrible disease; just as I was going into transplant.<br />Unfortunately I have lost many more friends to this and when Adrienne left us in October I decided I needed to get off my fat butt and do whatever I can to raise awareness and hard currency. Alison asked that donations be made to Fight2Win. This is my donation.<br /><br />In the UK there are not many organisations dedicated to Lymphoma... they are all bundled in with other cancers and, since it is the strength of Alese and Adrienne who have gotten me this far, I would be honoured if I could dedicate my run to Alese and raise funds for the Fight2Win foundation.<br /><br />I warn you that I am not going to set any records here!! Right now I can barely run a mile but I know if I am running for such a great charity I will get there.<br /><br />I look forward to hearing from you.<br /><br />Kind Regards,<br /><br />Wullie</span></span><br /><br />Mr. Coco has kindly given permission so here we go.<br /><br />That, in a nutshell, is why I am doing this.<br />I am doing it to remember those that have left us. I am doing it for those that are still fighting damn hard. I am doing it to raise some money to help find a cure so that hopefully no one else needs to go where I, and so many others, have been.<br />Finally, I am doing it for myself.<br />If I can do this I will finally prove to myself that I have beaten cancer. I may have beaten the Hodge in my body but in my head it lives on. It's time for it to leave.<br /><br />There will be pain and no doubt I will want to quit many times over but I will always know that I have been through much, much worse and I hope this, as well as the motivation of running for Fight2Win, will keep me going until I cross that finishing line.<br />Should be an interesting journey.<br /><br />Wish me luck and I'll be touting for sponsorship soon enough. I'll try and do weekly updates of my progress.Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-70360292677095988002009-07-17T13:09:00.004+01:002009-11-02T20:16:47.036+00:00<strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Two Years Post Transplant</span></strong><br /><br />Just a small post to anyone still stumbling across this blog to say that I am still here and doing great... except I have just been diagnosed with the piggy flu and am now on TamiFlu.<br /><br />Also, a friend of mine has a new single out on the 20th July. He goes under the name Kid Harpoon and is the fella of Veronica's cousin, Jenny. If you are in any way into music you need to check out his two EPs on iTunes. You owe it to yourself.<br /><br />Get it!!<br /><br /><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/QxKV8CHCoTo&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/QxKV8CHCoTo&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="355"></embed></object><br /><br /><br />Follow Kid Harpoon on <a href="http://twitter.com/kidharpoon">Twitter</a> and <a href="http://www.myspace.com/kidharpoon">MySpace</a>.<br />Official site is <a href="http://www.kidharpoon.net/">here. </a><br />A very recent session with Steve Lamacq on Radio 1 can be found <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/videos/inmwtstevelamacq/video/090709_kidharpoon">here.</a>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-78120017800726318412008-10-11T20:25:00.006+01:002008-10-11T22:00:25.672+01:00<div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdxFjBkhZRJHyhztsPwYV7uViyXP4Ze1ENn1huwZvx4b64fl_GsUM0kZDNv4fSJ5M04aXnpomyOaWk03bhjOB0miz7eC2pB0Zx7zNExaGZf86HZK05kmQrUrfo_1WF6quHRsls/s1600-h/DSC03288.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5255980297185529506" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdxFjBkhZRJHyhztsPwYV7uViyXP4Ze1ENn1huwZvx4b64fl_GsUM0kZDNv4fSJ5M04aXnpomyOaWk03bhjOB0miz7eC2pB0Zx7zNExaGZf86HZK05kmQrUrfo_1WF6quHRsls/s400/DSC03288.JPG" border="0" /></a> <span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>ONE YEAR POST TREATMENT</strong></span></div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></strong></div><div align="left"><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></div><div align="left"><p></p>October 11th 2007. It was one year ago today that I finally finished my cancer treatment.</div><div align="left">And how did I spend this momentous anniversary?</div><div align="left">In bloody hospital. You couldn't make it up. :-)<p></p></div><div align="left">Becca managed to get her finger stuck in a door and successfully ripped her middle finger nail clean off. The poor wee mite was in agony so a trip to A&E, a tummy full of paracetamol and 'brufen, an X-Ray and a large bandage later and all is well again... for now. The next few weeks are going to be fun trying to stop her whacking her hand against everything.<p></p></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">So why no updates?</div><div align="left">Basically I've been trying to rebuild my life. </div><div align="left">I'm still not sure exactly which is the harder... dealing with cancer or living after having it. Even now everything I seem to do always has a "hint of cancer" in it. It is impossible to forget what you have been through but at the same time you have to push it far back in your mind in order to move on.</div><div align="left">Other people make it hard as well. They don't mean to; it is just human nature. People forget that I had a shit-load of treatment. If I'm tired... and believe me i get knackered as I'm still anemic etc... I get accused of using my spell of Hodgkins as an excuse. "It was a year ago. You're fine now. Deal with it.". It gets on my tits.</div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">Anyway, I'll post another update soon as I have a lot to say and I think people in my office don't read this anymore so I think I can open up in peace but I just wanted to do a quick update and say:-</div><div align="left"><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div align="left"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"><p></p>"I'M STILL ALIVE"<p></p></span></strong></div><div align="left"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></strong></div><div align="left"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></strong></div><div align="left">I'm one of the lucky ones.</div><div align="left">And I know it.</div><div align="left"><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></div><div align="left"></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span></div><div align="center"></div>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-53150695220171016322008-03-29T19:54:00.006+00:002008-03-29T20:07:32.116+00:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsMe9n-3DbSWTqbYm1BD7ISuNqkrpPKpZweHcdOT3Drzhbfo9BSStXYF334KNoLZhtzOoRaidyzZPaqw8EDyXhsgCQufFGeu7WtrR9BGXN47wFh6D83XJbUeYrujmSWA8q83qf/s1600-h/diarrhea.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsMe9n-3DbSWTqbYm1BD7ISuNqkrpPKpZweHcdOT3Drzhbfo9BSStXYF334KNoLZhtzOoRaidyzZPaqw8EDyXhsgCQufFGeu7WtrR9BGXN47wFh6D83XJbUeYrujmSWA8q83qf/s400/diarrhea.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5183254556690711042" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Day + 277</span></span><br /><br /><--- That's me, that is. <br />I feel as if someone has slipped a concentrated tablet of DHAP into my tea or Irn Bru. My elephant friend from April 2007 has returned and setup camp on my head. My stomach is grumbling and every rumble has me clenching buttocks tightly. Oh, and we have the odd bit of vomiting thrown in for good measure. At least my 103F+ fever has gone away. Small consolation, eh? <br /><br />I blame Kel. I was fine till I spoke to her on the phone when she was ill. <br /><br />Bleuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh!<br /><br />----------<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;">Currently on iPod :- Nothing. Head too sore</span>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-79675676812433251362008-03-22T05:11:00.001+00:002008-03-22T08:47:06.279+00:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimGUf-UoZE3hdQnGUxDPhTU5pEZqOtfxe4wZ0fgf7UIGVElCg5x-LizHvPEhKGA7IPWhBZGLud6UP3TkL8qKY2i9BE91czqb3qJJi2-WtRAqtTru9OljUZ1O1R7hF53GYqswKN/s1600-h/untitled.bmp"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimGUf-UoZE3hdQnGUxDPhTU5pEZqOtfxe4wZ0fgf7UIGVElCg5x-LizHvPEhKGA7IPWhBZGLud6UP3TkL8qKY2i9BE91czqb3qJJi2-WtRAqtTru9OljUZ1O1R7hF53GYqswKN/s400/untitled.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5180480914055594482" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A little bit of sad news.</span></span><br /><br />A very quick note to pass on the news that a fellow SCT buddy, Peggy, has passed away. The last I heard she was doing the well... the next thing; well. Peggy had the same stage and flavour of cancer as myself and her moving on has brought some thoughts to the front of mine.<br /><br />I now realise and accept that I am, no matter what any doctor, oncologist or friend says, on borrowed time. I've dodged the reaper so far.<br />Life is short. I've thing I need to do. There's people I need to speak to, tell them how I feel. There's old friends I need to get back in touch with. I don't want to have any regrets.Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-8503537958332416672008-03-17T20:55:00.006+00:002008-03-17T21:04:54.816+00:00<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Just another tune.</span></span><br /><br />This is by Sigur Rós and is called Glósóli.<br />If you've never heard any of their music then I would suggest you do.<br />If you need to relax with the lights off and a few candles on then this is the "band" for you. If you need music to cry to then this is the "band" for you. If you need music to give you a lift... well, you catch my drift!<br /><br /><br />If the music combined with the video fail to move you then you have no soul. It is stunningly beautiful.<br /><br /><object height="355" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/okLCurB1lJw&hl=en"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/okLCurB1lJw&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="355" width="425"></embed></object><br /><br />----------<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Currently on iPod :- Nothing! Raiding YouTube for my fav videos.</span>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-60978198130498191812008-03-13T22:29:00.003+00:002008-03-13T22:38:33.287+00:00<span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >Nothing to do with cancer.</span><br /><br />I love you, Utah Saints.<br />Re-releasing this tune right now brings back so many great memories!<br />The video is absolutely superb and, if pushed, I can still dance like this. :-)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Utah Saints - Something Good 08</span><br /><br /><object height="355" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/oMLCrzy9TEs&hl=en"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/oMLCrzy9TEs&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="355" width="425"></embed></object><br /><br />I can't stop grinning when I watch this!<br /><br />----------<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Currently on iPod :- Utah Saints - Something Good</span>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-63852768077456321852008-03-13T13:11:00.001+00:002008-03-13T13:13:06.967+00:00<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Short... but sweet.</span></span><br /><br />Sorry for the delay in updating.<br />I'm still clean.<br /><br />Kidneys seem to be hosed but we can live with that.<br /><br />----------<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Currently on iPod :- MGMT - Time to Pretend</span>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-15108371027018083242008-03-06T21:06:00.003+00:002008-03-06T21:30:43.591+00:00Below is the latest extract from <a href="http://www.alesecoco.org/">Aleses</a>' journal. Her parents keep it going in her memory. I've pasted it here in the hope that just a few more people "help out".<br />Jennifer has gone through hell for three long years and has now been told what the future is. She doesn't know how long she has. Please read her journal and give her all the support you can.<br />I hope I have as much courage and dignity when my time comes around.<br /><br />Stupid fucking disease. I fucking hate it.<br />I'm tired of crying and being so helpless.<br /><br />Thanks.<br /> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >A Small Favor… </span><br /><br />On several occasions Alese asked for help for one of her friends in the text of a journal update…Whether is was for prayer or requesting that people get genetically tested for a bone marrow match.<br /><br />In this case, it’s for one of Alese’s dear friends <strong>Jennifer Willey</strong>… Jennifer is 28 and lives in Maine, she is a Hodgkin’s survivor; however, Jennifer underwent a bone marrow transplant and as a result she has chronic Graft vs. Host disease, this is when the body rejects the donor cells. This is a very bad scenario and there is no cure.<br /><br />I’m requesting that you do three things…. First, pray for Jennifer and her family. Second, please go to her website at: <a href="http://www.freewebs.com/jenniferwilley/index.htm"><strong>www.freewebs.com/jenniferwilley/index.htm</strong><strong> </strong></a>and inundate her quest book with encouraging words. Third, forward this request to a couple your friends and ask them to do the same.<br /><br />Jennifer is a warm, courageous person and your encouragement will help. Just click on the Sign My Guestbook link.<br /><br /><strong><em>Father, I ask you to put your hand on Jennifer... Bring her comfort, please take away her pain. Father, heal her body, strengthen her family and bring joy to her family and their home during these difficult days.</em></strong><br /><br />Blessings,<br /><br />The Coco’s<br /><br />----------<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Currently on iPod :- Placebo - Slave to the Wage</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Good lyric in this tune that I need to follow through with:-</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">All it takes is one decision</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"> A lot of guts, </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">A little vision </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">to wave,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"> Your worries, </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">and cares goodbye.</span>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-52238102340370740472008-02-28T20:16:00.012+00:002008-02-29T20:44:32.392+00:00<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">What to say?</span></span><br /><br />Life goes on?<br />Time is a healer?<br />The longer you're in remission the easier it gets?<br /><br />I dunno.<br />I'm approaching "appointments week" next week, and, up until today I was doing not bad. Buried myself in my work and had been focusing my emotions on other people. Today, however, has been pretty sucky.<br />Every twinge is cancer.<br />Every itch is cancer.<br />Every cough is cancer.<br />The confidence that I'm still clean seemed to vanish today and I can't explain it. Usually I'm pretty calm about seeing my onc and my nurse. I would see these meetings as a safety net... a reaffirmation that I was still OK, still clean, still normal... still alive.<br />Now I don't want anyone to examine me. I don't want more bloods taken. I don't want more scans. I don't want prodded and poked.<br /><br />I don't want to be told I have cancer again.<br />I don't want to know.<br />I want to live in blissful ignorance.<br /><br />Can I do that? I can't be forced to attend appointments, can I? They can't drag me into a CT/PET scanner. They can't force a needle into me.<br />I know the signs of this disease. I know the ins and outs of this fucking curse better than any GP. Can I not look out for myself now? I really don't need the reminder of what I've been through that appointments bring.<br />Just as I begin to push cancer to the back of mind I look at the calender and there it is.<br /><br />Taunting me.<br />"You have an onc appointment."<br />"Your bone marrow appointment is in a couple of months."<br />"The radiation team want you in on this date."<br />Remember you had cancer? Oooooooh! Is it still there? Has it come back? Fancy more chemo? Side effect still bad? Secondary cancers?<br /><br />I do think I know what is wrong with me this time and I'm man enough to admit it.<br /><br />I'm afraid.<br />I'm scared shitless that it's all going to be taken away again.<br /><br />I've been here, in this position, already. I've had my life back before and had it ripped out from under me. I've been back to work in the past thinking it was all over. The memories are still oh so fresh; of that day when I was told cancer had come back. It wakes me up at night and I'm sure it always will. I haven't been this strong, physically, in 2 years. I couldn't face giving it all back again.<br /><br />But... if I have to... I will.<br />Because I want to live; just a little bit longer.<br /><br />Also, I've discovered I'm an orange... which is kinda disturbing for a green Irishman like myself.<br />I nicked this "highly personal" <a href="http://www.blogthings.com/whattypeoffruitareyouquiz/">quiz </a>from <a href="http://baldylocks.blogspot.com/">Baldylocks</a> and I am a bloody orange. If you haven't read the Adventures of Baldylocks then check out her blog asap. It's linked in my links menu. Check out her art work. I don't "do" art... I'm an art heathen/atheist... but the creative works she has produced stir something in me.<br />And her surname is the same as mine so you know she rocks :-)<br /><table align="center" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" width="350"><tbody><tr><td bg="" style="color: rgb(238, 238, 238);" align="center"><span style=";font-family:Georgia,Times New Roman,Times,serif;font-size:14;color:black;" ><br /><strong>You Are an Orange</strong><br /></span></td></tr><br /><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff"><br /><center><img src="http://www.blogthingsimages.com/whattypeoffruitareyouquiz/orange.gif" height="100" width="100" /></center><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">You have a zest for life, especially for anything colorful, wild, or dramatic.<br />You have a unique take on the world, and you're not afraid to be a little funky.<br />You are a bit reserved toward people who don't know you well.<br />You have a thick skin, which can protect you from anything that goes wrong in your life.<br /><br />Once someone does get to know you, they totally get and appreciate you.<br />Your friends see you as a bright person with a refreshing take on life.<br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/whattypeoffruitareyouquiz/">What Type of Fruit Are You?</a></div><br /><br />Is it accurate? I'm not totally convinced!<br /><br />Next up, my old puppy Kelly was sent to the great kennel in the sky. I miss that doggy so much. Below is the last photo of her with Becca.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUy-kmR-yyABz-8aXDjJQBI4fvTpDhGQZIhcBd6sELnuDMTuX7ObMFI-jxgjAZ2BIrhqKRG8Jtehwvv6BqZk8piaduw1e6FmFP9QvgKUeYCogGuiOu0sIyoRUfFY-83plXeVKD/s1600-h/DSC01283.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUy-kmR-yyABz-8aXDjJQBI4fvTpDhGQZIhcBd6sELnuDMTuX7ObMFI-jxgjAZ2BIrhqKRG8Jtehwvv6BqZk8piaduw1e6FmFP9QvgKUeYCogGuiOu0sIyoRUfFY-83plXeVKD/s400/DSC01283.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5172148419180684930" border="0" /></a><br />Finally, just the usual note of thanks to the people who have helped me on my journey so far.<br />A special thanks to the people I have picked up on the way. It's different for you guys; my old family and friends had no choice really but to help and be supportive :-) ... you newbies came in when I was probably at my worst and accepted me as I was. Some of you had cancer and some of you didn't. Some of you were mere acquaintances pre-cancer but stood up to the plate when it would have been easier to walk away and we've became close friends.<br />I'm very grateful to you all.<br /><br />----------<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Currently on iPod :-<br />Get Cape, Wear Cape, Fly - Find the Time</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">I was a Cub Scout - Save your Wishes</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Ice Cube - It was a Good Day</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Vampire Weekend - A Punk</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> <br />Prodigy - Charly</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Man, this post took a few tunes!<br /><br /><br /></span>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-14488208192432386732008-02-18T22:34:00.005+00:002008-02-19T22:01:46.883+00:00<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Please think of my friends this week.</span></span><br /><br />I've not got time to update this just yet with my adventures in the USA but just wanted to show solidarity, love and support for three very dear friends who will each be going through their own private trip to hell this week.<br /><br />First up <a href="http://wintersinvinciblesummer.blogspot.com/">Darrel</a> is having his 9 month post-transplant PET scan on Tuesday. He had a slightly dirty one last time around so we're all hoping for better results this time.<br />Next, <a href="http://www.chemopalooza.com/">Kelly</a> is having a PET on Thursday. She won't admit it but she'll be anxious right now. Scanxiety sucks big time.<br /><br />Finally, <a href="http://truebeautyneverhurries.blogspot.com/">Bekah</a>. Our Bekah.<br />She starts round two of ICE salvage this week.<br />I so wish I could do it for her but I can't.<br />Read her blog and read the comments left for her. It may help you understand why I, and everyone she meets, love her so much and unconditionally.<br /><br />----------<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Currently on iPod :- Adele - Chasing Pavements</span>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-75436599637485076442008-02-11T00:40:00.000+00:002008-02-11T00:53:11.599+00:00<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Yeeeee Haw.</span></span><br /><br />So this evening, after a three hour drive, I find myself holed up in a Best Western Hotel in Crossville, Tennessee. It a smallish town between Nashville and Knocksville on route 40. I don't know if there is owt to do here but I'm going to go and find out in a bit.<br /><br />All I've done this weekend is shop and eat. Coming over here from the UK right now is a shoppers dream. The dollar is so weak that things are almost free for us! I have to buy another bag to check in as I'm going to get a far whack of stuff... it would be rude not to.<br />Food wise, I'm still a bit disgusted with portion control here but am learning. Now we have one starter between the three of us and then have our main meal with one side between us as well. It seems to work ok but there are still left overs.<br /><br />Now off exploring.<br /><br />(and I'm still a gay icon)<br /><br />----------<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Currently on iPod :- Kate Nash - Pumpkin Soup</span>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-90686003167660349622008-02-09T03:36:00.000+00:002008-02-09T04:19:41.418+00:00<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Musings from Alabama.</span></span><br /><br />So it's 2130 on a Friday night in Huntsville. I'm a visitor in the USA and I'm in bed.<br />Knackered<br />And very very full.<br />I cannot get used to the portions of food of here. They are just HUGE. I feel so guilty when I leave three quarters of the food on the plate. Three of us went out for a meal tonight and what we ordered could have easily feed six people to capacity. What we left was unbelievable. I guess you get used to it but holy shit...!<br /><br />So work is going good over here. It's not a wasted trip which I always worry about.<br />I arrived in Alabama at 1830 on Tuesday after travelling for just a little under 19hours... it's a three flight, long old slog to get from Scotland to Huntsville. Anyway, I arrived and it was a little windy and pretty humid. 9 hours later I'm rudely awakened by the hurricane warning sirens and wondering what the hell to do about it. I have a quick wander around the hotel in my shreddies but no one else seems to be giving a crap about it so I return to my room and sit on the balcony and watch the most amazing lighting storm I have ever seen. I'm told a twister touched down a little way down the road, in Madison, and that it was pretty lucky that we didn't get hit.<br />Welcome to America!<br /><br />The only weird thing that is happening over here is that I seem to be becoming a fascination for gay men. It started on the flight from London to Atlanta where the steward was flirting outrageously with me. I thought he was just being eccentric and overly friendly until my work colleague pointed out that he wasn't like that with anyone else on the flight.<br />Okaaaaaay.<br />We get to Atlanta and I'm immediately latched onto by another fella whilst waiting for the connecting flight.<br />Onto a restaurant in Huntsville and everything is cool. Five of us go out for a meal and, whilst waiting for a taxi to take us back to the hotel, I order a final round of drinks for everyone. The drinks arrive and then the barman returns with a little pink cocktail thingy for me, on the house!<br />Last night, another meal and another extremely flirty, over attentive waiter.<br />I'm not sure about our meal tonight but my two colleagues thought I was being flirted with again. It must have been subtle this time as I didn't notice.... I hadn't been stroked.<br />I'm not in the least bit concerned about all this but just find it a little strange. I don't get this at home. I spent 5 minutes looking at the mirror tonight and I can't see any difference in my appearance.<br />Maybe it's the accent.<br />Maybe it's my new black hair.<br />Maybe I'm surrounded by ugly colleagues and people are just latching onto the good looking guy.... (JOKE).<br />Maybe the transplant is making me excrete highly charged pheromones.<br />Bottom line? I'm enjoying the attention!<br /><br />Cancer sure does give you some odd side effects.<br /><br />----------<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Currently on iPod :- Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm</span>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-47901980141399617542008-02-08T16:50:00.000+00:002008-02-08T18:33:59.898+00:00<span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >So you really want more of this crap?<br /></span><br />Thank you so much for the kind comments and personal emails over the last week... even the couple of messages that accused me of coping out. I genuinely didn't know that so many people read this journal and, more importantly, get where I'm coming from.<br />The general consensus has been that new people diagnosed and terrified need to know that treatment can work and that some form of new normality will resume after a small timeout from life. I agree with that statement and, although I am not a one man support network, I feel I have a small sense of duty to communicate this mini philosophy to folk.<br />Hodgkins Lymphoma sucks. People die... I can't sugar coat that fact and I have shed many tears recently but most people go on to have a long long remission and cure. I don't know where I am on the scale of time left on this planet and it scares me daily. I don't think this fear will ever go away so I'll prove that this doesn't mean I can't live a normal life.<br />Finally, be aware that my heart will be fully visible here. It's pinned on my sleeve for all to see. If I'm pissed, you'll know. If I'm soppy emotional, you'll know about it. Mini breakdown? You'll know. I hope it won't make you uncomfortable.<br />I'll start a new post about my adventures in Alabama a bit later.<br /><br />To Dina S. Your comment really moved me. I'm proud to know that I helped a small part in your journey with your Dad. I'm so sorry he didn't quite make it.<br /><br />----------<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Currently on ipod :- My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay (I promise)</span>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-70600578483671013202008-02-01T20:45:00.000+00:002008-02-01T21:00:21.076+00:00<span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >The last post.</span><br /><br />So this is going to be my last post. It seems recently that this blog has become nothing but an obituaries list for my friends. This is not what this diary was supposed to be about.<br />I started the blog so that distant friends and family could keep up with what I was doing and how my treatment was going. I wanted to journal exactly what it was like to go through a bone marrow transplant; both physically and mentally. I didn't want to sugar coat anything so that transplantees behind me knew what to expect.<br />Now I'm no longer in treatment I feel that this journal has served it's purpose and should be put to bed. A newly diagnosed cancer patient needs hope and if they stumble across this blog then the last few posts are hardly going to give them that! Besides, I'm not vain enough to think that I lead such an interesting life outside of cancer that people want to read about it!<br /><br />If you are new to Hodgkins then I urge you to read my blog from the start and join the Hodgkins forum... the link is to the right. The forum is full of amazing people who will help you without question or judgement.<br /><br />Finally, that you for all your support over this last 12 months. I wouldn't have made it without your love and support and I am forever in your debt.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">As Alese would say - FIGHT 2 WIN!</span><br /><br />All my love,<br /><br />WullieWulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-77281223519309198442008-02-01T20:21:00.000+00:002008-02-01T20:42:52.826+00:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Another warrior moves on</span></span><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv1zTFuYuxTq70u7G8A8KafxRk4nCLmcnaNnmmcXkPW93Lmkrd25p-LxpedyPMxDfb2L75ucJRjLKBduXS8uB9qKTbXVRhyTGEB19vdeyH09NMnbsl6MYxXabKwBzs4h1uom6S/s1600-h/DSC00007.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv1zTFuYuxTq70u7G8A8KafxRk4nCLmcnaNnmmcXkPW93Lmkrd25p-LxpedyPMxDfb2L75ucJRjLKBduXS8uB9qKTbXVRhyTGEB19vdeyH09NMnbsl6MYxXabKwBzs4h1uom6S/s400/DSC00007.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5162109839759937858" border="0" /></a>Sarah Hawthorne (pictured above with her partner, Lorraine) has sadly passed away. Sarah was the "den mother" of the online support group I use and was a source of love, hope and inspiration for everyone. She had, unfortunately, "been there and done that" with most treatments for Hodgkins but nothing would keep the disease at bay. The fact that she knew she was terminal did absolutely nothing to dampen her enthusiasm for life and all she wished for was a few more years. I don't know why this wish wasn't granted. You have no idea how much this beautiful person will be missed. We who knew her are so much richer as a result.<br /><br />My post on the forum:<br /><br /><span class="post"> I first posted on here on the 18th March 2007. I had just relapsed and was so damn angry and confused.<br />A thread started in which Sarah, not knowing me from jack, explained where I was at, what I was facing and, most importantly, how to face it.<br />The fact that the thread collapsed into a slanging match with Anne then walking away forever is something that I still feel bad about.<br /><a href="http://forums.webmagic.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=426261&page=0&fpart=1&vc=1" target="_blank">http://forums.webmagic.com/ubbthreads/sh...part=1&vc=1</a><br /><br />I am so pissed at myself right now for not letting her know exactly what I thought of her. I was going to do it when I visit Alabama next week and now it's too late.<br />That will not happen again. If I need to tell someone they're special then I'm just gonna tell them from now on.<br /><br />To Sarah,<br />I'm going to miss you.<br />with lots of love,<br />Wullie <br /></span>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-57905859711835719822008-01-20T18:23:00.001+00:002008-01-20T20:11:56.011+00:00I'm sitting here writing this and I am experiencing an abundance of emotions... and they are all of the negative variety. Look away now if you are not in the mood for that.<br /><br />I'm filled with confusion about this disease that I have. Just why was I picked to get this? 95% of the human population carry the EB virus so why does it mutate in only a few of us? And why do most people get cured with just first line treatment? What is it that makes me so fucking special that I have to undergo a full-scale chemical and radioactive war with the addition of a transplant to get rid of it? All my life I've been Mr. Average. The one time I actually want and need to be average and I'm fucking "special."<br />I'm filled with a deep, consuming sadness. Hodgkins Warriors are falling. Why is this allowed to happen? How do families pick themselves up when people so young die? Why am I still here when others are not? I don't understand.<br />Mostly, I'm filled with fear. In the pit of my stomach I don't believe my fight with this disease is over yet. I can't explain it. It is a rumble in my guts that are just there and it scares me senseless. I think I want my chest alien cut out. We're not friends anymore and I need it to seek new living accommodation.<br />Finally, I'm pissed off and angry. I feel I'm being pushed into making choices and decisions that I don't need or am not ready to make yet. I'm pissed about having to be the happy, smiley cancer bloke at work because people will be uncomfortable otherwise. That never used to bother me but for some reason it does now. I don't know if it is the spate of bad news for people I have grown to love recently or if it is just that I am so damn tired now that the plastered on mask is starting to peel at the foundation. My eyes are constantly watery.<br />"Cheer up. It's not like you have cancer now!"... Very fucking funny. I've had 18months of treatment; if I want a bad day I'll have a bad day. I don't need people pulling out their little book of medical facts and wanting to know why I needed this extra treatment. "It's Hodgkins. Everyone gets cured of that."<br />NO, THEY DON'T!<br />Oh, and I don't have HIV or AIDS either. Thanks for that little gem, internet medical sites.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ7r9PwGytJ8pL6_qM2mMpYiYg-qMFdJyBKFrnAesk53cMbzVM8KCWw1rVd-s7HiaUAhyphenhyphen5KHG9a2GX8jcktF1REBwfQbPgIrSaqygVkuurUlVxtqqgYt_ILzw1c1zXfTgbDm2o/s1600-h/clipboard176an7.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ7r9PwGytJ8pL6_qM2mMpYiYg-qMFdJyBKFrnAesk53cMbzVM8KCWw1rVd-s7HiaUAhyphenhyphen5KHG9a2GX8jcktF1REBwfQbPgIrSaqygVkuurUlVxtqqgYt_ILzw1c1zXfTgbDm2o/s400/clipboard176an7.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5157626221031924226" border="0" /></a><br /><br />So now I find myself stuck at another of lifes forks in the road. I seem to have met an unusual amount of these in the past two years. Do I take the road to breakdown or breakthrough? Breakdown seems like the easy way out and breakthrough looks damn scary. For example, I think I may have to look for work elsewhere as the 90mile a day round trip to the office is not being beneficial to my tiredness or sanity. Moving on would mean I could be anonymous again; just a face in the office and not "cancer boy." That would be a breakthrough whereas staying still is the easy option but could lead to the breakdown.<br /><br />Lord, I need an epiphany.<br /><br />(and just a little bit more inner strength, if You would be so kind)Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-47138931194508505922008-01-19T16:41:00.001+00:002008-01-19T16:50:47.856+00:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">RA RA RA!</span></span><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC45ChB6S60aSavxsYsHlbSBOIExXG4_sh0tkPX1UvzEhIPlAA56hHYF0nCkoiYI0pyujyVMp6dEifCKEAS7SY-AjXjHd8PkeRQsch-GlIKBMvc8bRlUYv97SYMgTr6LKQWehA/s1600-h/pompom2.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC45ChB6S60aSavxsYsHlbSBOIExXG4_sh0tkPX1UvzEhIPlAA56hHYF0nCkoiYI0pyujyVMp6dEifCKEAS7SY-AjXjHd8PkeRQsch-GlIKBMvc8bRlUYv97SYMgTr6LKQWehA/s400/pompom2.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5157229460543054322" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6FKdJ8u40BEDHRiE0ljHWOWVehA4iyEBBkCbf0u2l77d8W3V-p4SLXhMHUCJvPUfHjq0fNQWyWfMB7_c9P9LnkS0Dt9_FLlcZOiR4onHCVjryhujME-yhjvqFBDdabJL5pAoN/s1600-h/pompom1.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6FKdJ8u40BEDHRiE0ljHWOWVehA4iyEBBkCbf0u2l77d8W3V-p4SLXhMHUCJvPUfHjq0fNQWyWfMB7_c9P9LnkS0Dt9_FLlcZOiR4onHCVjryhujME-yhjvqFBDdabJL5pAoN/s400/pompom1.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5157229151305408994" border="0" /></a>A quick post to show my cheer leading, pom-pom waving support for everyone going through initial diagnosis, treatment, relapse, the post-treatment blues or coping with a bereavement.Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-82140521563801912722008-01-19T13:29:00.000+00:002008-01-19T13:34:44.639+00:00Morgan passed away yesterday.<br />You can read her husband's blog entry <a href="http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/inputSiteName.do?method=search&siteName=morgancyr">here.</a><br />It's beautiful.Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-66581319091750259312008-01-17T13:24:00.000+00:002008-01-17T22:18:54.596+00:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-cB9lmKCehGt5DVDZk0jHXD6AhsPivws7A9jVI4qMf3ry2iMXTDefkVh6Qbnzve31ADp6L1md7whzScsaH29piSbal9nZ0fz2Jzwu9aSaXEB3wp_0B0z8i4JMnXdzTm0syhyphenhyphenf/s1600-h/CANCER_SUCKS.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-cB9lmKCehGt5DVDZk0jHXD6AhsPivws7A9jVI4qMf3ry2iMXTDefkVh6Qbnzve31ADp6L1md7whzScsaH29piSbal9nZ0fz2Jzwu9aSaXEB3wp_0B0z8i4JMnXdzTm0syhyphenhyphenf/s400/CANCER_SUCKS.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156436317522436514" border="0" /></a><br />I'm day +205 today. Only another 150 odd days to go before my odds of cure will statistically improve. From a few reports and trials I've read recently if you get through the first year post transplant unscathed then your odds of cure increase from 50/50 to 65/35. I believe they then increase by 5% per year after that. I was a bit shocked as I didn't know about the 50/50 thing to start with.<br />I had a routine appointment with my oncologist last Tuesday and all went well. Bloodwork was fine and dandy, no nodes popping out anywhere and my chest x-ray came back clean. My onc said "You still have a f*cking great big scar mass there but it's not doing anything" so I'm cool with all that.<br />I'm back to work now full time and fairly enjoying it. Days are tiring and it is a struggle to stay awake when I get home. I'm usually in my pit for 2100h. I've been asked to go to Alabama in February and I'm pretty excited about that as I may get the chance to meet up with a couple of friends who live not too far away from where I'll be.<br /><br />Now the shitty but important stuff.<br />Too many people are relapsing or are in the system to see if they have relapsed. One person, <a href="http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/inputSiteName.do?method=search&siteName=morgancyr">Morgan</a>, is currently going through her second transplant in a year. How hard is she!? If you think I had it tough then I urge you to read her blog.<br /><a href="http://truebeautyneverhurries.blogspot.com/">Bekah</a> is another heroine about to take the SCT journey. Now I have never met Bekah but she is the sweetest 23 year old I know. She is intelligent beyond her youth and has frankly been dealt some pretty pish hands in her life. She accepts everything in good grace and, if you read the comments left to my posts, you can see for yourself what an amazing support she has been to me throughout my transplant. I hope I can return the favour. I'm sure I felt my heart rip when I heard the confirmation of her relapse. Some light went out, anyway.<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvs9q4-4WTonaEy2epkeWc5wlqP1B0wQQnidXVs8WrHCtWBmAdNMtBhwrWElReCkjZrXIt0dZLAed90nlmto8wNaKAfrXqAYh19x8HzcH7V8aL0ykIAhsG6UQ0Y-U_UXSO6Scw/s1600-h/PB110252.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvs9q4-4WTonaEy2epkeWc5wlqP1B0wQQnidXVs8WrHCtWBmAdNMtBhwrWElReCkjZrXIt0dZLAed90nlmto8wNaKAfrXqAYh19x8HzcH7V8aL0ykIAhsG6UQ0Y-U_UXSO6Scw/s400/PB110252.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156473954320851410" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;"> Here is darling Bekah and D. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers.</span><br /></div><br />It feels like a knife to the guts whenever I hear news of a relapse. So this isn't "real" cancer then, huh?Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-16032379288206211322008-01-02T21:30:00.001+00:002008-01-02T21:43:04.335+00:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAahQN92LJL3mkuQb9wsUBKBhN0mmJwLBFX_qkvuHuJ9QxVmXymEaZVgP9GRs4B6qVZ80zGR8z8Uc-xBZaFHLq3QSHBybCquY0_dxpH1AigIF_N7DNRbhdTpp0qI3j3IsDL5_S/s1600-h/Peace.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAahQN92LJL3mkuQb9wsUBKBhN0mmJwLBFX_qkvuHuJ9QxVmXymEaZVgP9GRs4B6qVZ80zGR8z8Uc-xBZaFHLq3QSHBybCquY0_dxpH1AigIF_N7DNRbhdTpp0qI3j3IsDL5_S/s400/Peace.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5150994946145722770" border="0" /></a><br />A fellow Hodgkins cancer warrior passed away today. Shannon was 30 years old and leaves behind her husband, Jesse, and their 5 children.<br /><br /><span class="post"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> Ar dheis De go raibh a hanam.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">May her soul be at God's right hand side.</span><br /><br />Jesse, sending you so much love and prayers right now. I don't know what else to say or do... </span><br /><br />From Shannon's <a href="http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/viewHome.do">blog</a>:-<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">“If we are ever to enjoy life, now is the time, not tomorrow, nor next year ……. Today should always be our most wonderful day.”</span>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-75351265209208914882008-01-01T22:21:00.000+00:002008-01-01T23:12:41.831+00:00<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Reflections.</span><br /></span><br />First up.... <span style="font-weight: bold;">Athbhliain faoi Mhaise Duit!!</span><br />Or Happy New Year in English!! God, I hope I've got the Irish correct or my mam will kill me. Unfortunately Babelfish doesn't do Gaeilge yet.<br />Usually, at the start of the New Year, you look forward, make plans and reach for the stars. Nothing is impossible in this bright and shiny future. Right now, however, I'm looking back at 2007 and wondering what the fuck happened. Too many family members died. Too many of my cancer family members died and far too many of them relapsed for the second or third time. One or two are at this present time spending their last hours or days on this mortal coil and more still are going through scanxiety as they wait for results.<br />All in all 2007 both sucked and blowed.<br />But as the saying goes, every cloud has a silver lining. I have met some truly remarkable people these past 12months. Without the help and support of these people my transplant would have been infinitely more difficult and scary. The one thing in life you don't ever want to have to do is literally sign your life away. That is what you do before you go into a bone marrow transplant... you sign your life away so that the oncologists can give you lethal doses of chemotherapy. Because of the knowledge and support I received from my new friends I was able to sign that form and get on with it.<br /><br />This is a post I made on the Hodgkins Forum and it sums everything up:-<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;" class="post"> Right then.<br />Before the bedlam of the holiday season kicks in in the next day or two I wanted to make sure I remembered my "other Family" on this board and to make sure that you all know just how much I have appreciated the support I have had throughout this year.<br />2007 was supposed to be a good year. I got a clean PET under my belt on December 27th 2006 and Veronica, myself and the weans were supposed to move on. Unfortunately life can sometimes suck but after more chemo, more chemo + transplant and then rads I'm clean again.<br /><br />I can honestly say that this wouldn't have happened without this board.<br />A few weeks before I was rediagnosed I told my brother-in-law that there was not a chance in merry Hell that I was going through chemotherapy again should the need arise because I didn't think I could do it; and I meant it! Next thing I know, Veronica and I are sitting in the oncologists office and I'm pretty much begging for jungle juice and SCT as soon as possible! There were two reasons for that dramatic change of heart:-<br />The people on this board and particularly Mr. Darrel Hale.<br />For some reason (something divine?), just before re diagnosis, I really got reading the stories on this board and particularly Darrels blog. I think he was just starting his third round of ICE when my bomb was dropped and I was just in awe of the guy and the way he was still smiling through all the shit. I'd read other blogs but this one was "live and in progress" at the time.<br />Darrel, thanks for taking the time to blog! It gave me the knowledge that I could do it.<br /><br />I don't like pointing people out for thanks as this is a community and we all stick together BUT:-<br /><br />John, Ryan, Brian, Joe and Jesse:- for always making me laugh. Period. Everytime. Even when you don't mean too!<br /><br />Skie, Susan, Alison, Fionn, Bekah, Chris + Vicky:- for pompom waving during transplant and keeping the fight in me.<br /><br />Brian (moondoggie) again:- if I hadn't found his blog I wouldn't have found this board. CiMB.<br /><br />Sarah:- for unfortunately having "been there and done that" and so could answer every one of my questions.<br /><br />Duane:- basically my hero.<br /><br />And finally, the two most important people to me... the Special Ks.<br />Karen and Kelly.<br />Thank you for keeping Veronica sane and for keeping in me a fight for life I didn't know I had. I look forward to buying the champagne in Boston!<br /><br />Again, thank you ALL for the love and support this year.<br /><br />Have a very Merry Christmas and here's to making and keeping Cancer our Bitch in 2008.</span><br /><br />I hope to look to the future in a few weeks but for the time being I'm just going to reflect and be thankful that I am still here. And my New Year Wish? That everyone I know is as happy and as healthy as can be. As us Irish would put it....<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past".</span><br /><br /><br />Darrel, Jesse or anyone for that matter. If you need anything you know how to get me.Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-15559292301772271022007-11-22T08:59:00.001+00:002007-11-22T09:00:51.344+00:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXOx_qiER0dnDpJ_GkB5Sar_sa_SyEedvc2I6Qzeh_J-5qVqGUq5xfkKX_Z7Y1T8pAnJhFzGrsAYBA_bNRfiTy0zU1kkpRVL4XoAi7b-p4bgQxgGw1MKvSzMqhCBQR02ORiBH3/s1600-h/croatia_flag_large.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXOx_qiER0dnDpJ_GkB5Sar_sa_SyEedvc2I6Qzeh_J-5qVqGUq5xfkKX_Z7Y1T8pAnJhFzGrsAYBA_bNRfiTy0zU1kkpRVL4XoAi7b-p4bgQxgGw1MKvSzMqhCBQR02ORiBH3/s400/croatia_flag_large.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5135586916925403698" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Now, maybe, the English led sports media will take a reality check.</span><br /></div>Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31742914.post-55821758510747500532007-11-19T13:03:00.000+00:002007-11-19T13:57:18.094+00:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQZSuOPiVxAsTuoXiD8F5mL0hxZ1kQJ88XbiaoSDknqbUQwFXI-SmLogR_c1BjPxg9e7UjdIPpU6d1zCqu9XqrSjzP2_HagaICKxmjYgYLAW1DULtkavSBFVhgVcAZNdTsMAdd/s1600-h/grindgears.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQZSuOPiVxAsTuoXiD8F5mL0hxZ1kQJ88XbiaoSDknqbUQwFXI-SmLogR_c1BjPxg9e7UjdIPpU6d1zCqu9XqrSjzP2_HagaICKxmjYgYLAW1DULtkavSBFVhgVcAZNdTsMAdd/s400/grindgears.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5134539511840862754" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Day + 146</span></span><br /><br />Hey! You know what really grinds my gears? Tiredness... and not just any old tiredness. Man, I am cabbaged. I just cannot seem to get out of the cycle of fatigue that I am stuck in. I'm on a one day on one day off routine right now and it is annoying. I go back to work next Monday (on a phased return; 3 days a week) so I'm hoping that might knock me into shape. I've been working from home these last few days so my brain still works... which is a bonus.<br /><br />You know what else grinds my gears? People telling me I look great. I can't tell if people are talking about the amount of weight I've lost or the fact that I look better after transplant. I suspect for the majority of people it is because I am thinner. and the shallowness of that actually hurts. Not one person has ever said "You look great but how do you feel?". I feel shite, by the way!<br /><br />The final thing that grinds my gears?<br />Depression.<br />I haven't been this low since my collapse at the end of SCT. Talking to my onc nurse a couple of weeks ago lifted me out of it but I'm afraid I've let myself sink back in. I see her again tomorrow so maybe she can give me a lift again.<br />I now suffer from many side-effects as a result of all my treatment:-<br /><br /><span class="post">1) Severe fatigue... as moaned about above.<br />2) I can't feel my toes unless it is cold and then they hurt like hell. This is called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuropathy">neuropathy.</a><br />3) Lost about 60lbs coz of SCT and radio<br />4) Still can't eat properly and need morphine every now and again for throat pain<br />5) My hair has turned black and I need to shave my back! I'm turning into a silver-back mountain gorilla.<br />6) Paranoia about twinges in my neck<br />7) Veins are hard as rock.<br />8) Chemo-brain<br />9) No tolerance for trivial matters.<br /></span>10) Depression... the worst of the lot.<br /><br /><br />On much happier news all my bone marrow tests came back as good or excellent. I have no sign of pre-leukaemic cells, the stem cells have engrafted nicely, my bone marrow is functioning as it should be at this stage and there is ZERO sign of The Hodge. It couldn't be better really.<br />Veronica and I have book our wee trip away to Boston, MA next year. We arrive on the 26th June for 7 days and are really looking forward to meeting the people who have helped us during our difficult times. We'll obviously miss the kiddies but will enjoy our first taste of freedom since Erin was born as best we can. Getting travel insurance is proving difficult but I just need to find that specialist cancer one!!<br />Talking of the weans, they got a mention in the Lymphoma Association quarterly newsletter. You can check it out <a href="http://www.lymphoma.org.uk/support/Lymphoma%20Matters%2071%20%284%29.pdf">here.</a> They actually raised over £2100 pounds when you include the amount my company raised but for some reason they ignored everything my work did! The newsletter is actually a pretty good read so please have a look.<br /><br />So, apologies for the fairly down post. This is probably why I haven't updated for so long. I'm now just keeping my head down and focusing on the trip to the States. It is giving me something to really look forward too.Wulliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02979368279805769490noreply@blogger.com7